TVJ’s Entertainment Report

Guess who’s coming to Twitter? @dudusfromtivoli…

Dudus on Twitter? and a satirical look at the Mannatt Commission of Inquiry in Jamaica.

Screen shot 2011-03-03 at 8.44.05 PM — Guess who's on Twitter?

@dudusfromtivoli Awaiting Trial
Businessman. Entrepreneur. Philanthropist. Peacekeeper. Proud Jamaican goes the bio on the Twitter page of the purported Don who was extradited from Jamaica last June. As The KD Knight Show, otherwise known as the Manatt Commission of Inquiry (an expensive investigation into the circumstances that led the Jamaican Government to allegedly hire the services of Washington law firm Manatt, Phelps & Phillips to influence the US Government to backpedal on its ‘request’ for Dudus’s extradition to the US to face drug running and other charges), rolls into its third or fourth week the Jamaican Twittersphere has suddenly become twice as interesting with the entry of someone tweeting as if they’re the imprisoned don, Christopher ‘Dudus’ Coke, languishing in a New York prison.

The Twitter persona @dudusfromtivoli comments sardonically on the proceedings of the Inquiry. He also solicits company on Twitter:

Tweeting till lights off at 10pm – who keeping me company? #twitterafterdark scary in prison.

Below, I’ve listed his tweets in ascending order…that is, you’ll have to scroll down to the bottom and read them bottom up if you want to be chronological. And while you’re down there you may as well check out the videoclip of Anthony Miller/Entertainment Report’s priceless take on the Manatt Inquiry from TVJ in which footage from the Inquiry is played in slomo to the theme music from Perry Mason.

Both of these (and the cartoon below) are cause for celebration, political satire is alive and well in Jamaica. Enjoy!

dudusfromtivoli Dudus

Boss that’s salt in an open wound. RT @faadajoe: @dudusfromtivoli suggest a new profile pic http://twitpic.com/45u0lp

Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus

Prison life babes. RT @mummasuss: Is this person bored! RT @Moosie928: follow @dudusfromtivoli now for free digicel credit

Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
10pm boss. RT @Moosie928: @dudusfromtivoli nigga lights out a pass ur bed time
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Its called “prison” RT @MsRaine: @anniepaul LOL!!! Some people really have a lot of time on their hands…i.e. ———> @dudusfromtivoli
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
@bruceJLP Is this the PM or the Party Leader speaking? Put me on to NDM Bruce please.
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Who said digicel? I do not recall. #misrepresentation RT @Moosie928: follow @dudusfromtivoli now for free digicel credit
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Conjugal visits coming up 😉 RT @JBooMc: @dudusfromtivoli … lol I will be ur company
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Former “gunman” on CVM – I see you still wear that shirt I bought you 6 years ago. I see you hater!
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Always marry rich. RT @Jherane_: Am I the only one who thought Veronica should’ve gotten with Reggie?
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
RT @ToniToneTonz: YO @dudusfromtivoli say free credit for all new followers!! <— 3rd baby mother now taking bribes for credit “contracts”
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Tweeting till lights off at 10pm – who keeping me company? #twitterafterdark scary in prison.
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
No pin. Cellie jealous #prisonlifehard RT @Moosie928: @dudusfromtivoli send me u pin waa link u off air
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Free credit for new followers #electiontime RT @thereallyquiet1: “@anniepaul: Follow the don! @dudusfromtivoli … http://tmi.me/7jrLg
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Bought it from a guard 2nd hand #prisonlifehard RT @Moosie928: freedom is a must @dudusfromtivoli a which bb u a work wid?
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Both. Conjugal visit coming up 😉 RT @NinaRazzi: From real jail or twitter jail…??? Lmao! RT @Moosie928: #free @dudusfromtivoli
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
RT @ToniToneTonz: all hail PREZI!<;— 3rd Jamaican baby mother
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Dudus
@dudusfromtivoli
@anniepaul <—- new Indian baby mother
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli
#endorsed RT @Mark_N_Amos: Mannat enquiry imo, is a waste of time, no time for the stupid politicians that jamaica has…..
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli
#celebrity RT @phcjam: RT @panmediajamaica: People are heading home early just to watch the Manatt/Dudus Commission’s proceedings.
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Christmas gift. RT @musicmala: Go deh Babsy! Show dem di BB Torch! Raaaaeeeeee LOL
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Link up. Always looking for foot soldiers. RT @frass28: @dudusfromtivoli me waan me the boss miself yah enuh buss a link nuh…
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
#politricks RT @JcSkyline: Lol, Babsy a wave the Torch though…. At least I’m seeing where my money goes.. Lol #TvJNews
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Smart woman RT @MeishMGM:’In this age of technology you do not need to be in office to get your work done’; Babsy as she waves her BB
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Best friends stab you in the front. RT @anniepaul: @corvedacosta yes, is Babsy there as Dorothy’s best friend? A handmaiden to justice?
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Pray for me. RT @JBooMc: @dudusfromtivoli …. omg u answered hope all is well with u bossy babylon system is real messed up !
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Ustream link? RT @CassiusWatson: I’m sometimes confused as to where #DarienHenry #TVJ is either filing a report or Anchoring the newscast
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
You’re telling me? Idle hands here in lock up. RT @jt_ninja: inactivity can be just as devastating.
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Hope that happens in my case. RT @LifeinJamaica: Judge on strike! over salary issues
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Smart woman. RT @JBooMc: I asked my mom who runs downtown like how #Dudus is in prison my mom said the babylon lol …. only in #Jamaica
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
#notonmyteam RT @lauraredpath: There’s a man sitting beside me fondling his crotch #manatt-dudus commission of enquiry

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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Keep walking. RT @frass28: @Skittleshoni no walk towards the light @Skittleshoni dont get dragged in u mite meet dudus and lie bout it.
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
A form of dyslexia? She knows my name. RT @gocharms: Why does she keep calling him Christopher Coke Dudus? #mannatt
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Pretty girl like you should’t be working. RT @sweetsultryshen: Yes manatt/dudus commission going til 4…there goes my day
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Imagine watching it from jail. RT @ProdigalJa: Dudus, President, Prezi, Shortman, General….. sometimes seeing and … http://tmi.me/7jnYJ
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
The lord is my shepard. RT @kookiekare: God Kno Dudus RT @nadyapatrese: God kno?? @donRwil @KookieKare

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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
Babylon system. RT @nel_cc_nic: So since buju’s fate is set….whatever happen to Dudus? ‘Got lost in the system’?
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
@bruceJLP Boss link up. I’ve got internet privileges in prison now.
2 Mar
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Dudus
dudusfromtivoli Dudus
New to this Twitter thing. Big up to my supporters!
2 Mar

The Random Pleasures of Facebook

In recent times a wave of people on Facebook have been obligingly listing 25 Random Things About Themselves in response to an invitation “to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. ” While i shy away from any such disclosures myself (why give away information for nothing?) i do enjoy reading them and in this post i pass on the most interesting and provocative of the 25 Random Things responses i’ve seen to date. It’s by Peter Dean Rickards of Afflicted Yard and the Rickards Bros (whose video Kingston Logic premieres on TV tonight on TVJ’s Entertainment Report, 9 pm Ja time).

Peter Dean’s 25 Random Things About Me:

25. I have been waking up very early in the morning lately, usually because of a dream that initially seems traumatic but upon closer analysis is actually pretty stupid. As a matter of fact, that is why I am up at 4:17 am writing this foolishness now…I just woke up after dreaming that I had somehow qualified to race some famous runner (I think Usain Bolt), and somehow I was going to turn the event into some sort of PLUS despite my knowing that I would come in last. I am not making this up…I just dreamed it.I thought the best thing to do would be to make sure I don’t look silly on worldwide television. I told myself to remember to write down a bunch of clever stuff to say when asked about my chances of winning the race as well as things to say once I lost. I even started to write down things to say if i WON! As usual, I procrastinated, and on race day I had nothing witty to say and forgot to buy shoes that looked like I was taking the thing seriously. My hair was doing strange things as well and before long I was scrambling around looking for a clean t-shirt. Then stuff went wrong with my car and my laptop died and someone from the credit card company found out where I lived and started dragging her keys across the gate and repeating the words : ” I know you’re in there Rickards, and I know its raceday. We’ve got you now Rickards. We’ve got you now.!”

24. My earliest memory is being bathed in a bathroom sink. I recall that it was just the right size to lie down in and my grandmothers rings were flashy.

23. My biggest childhood fear was ‘the big bad wolf’. As a child I had a read-a-long record version of it and I would play it over and over again, astounded at how this wolf was allowed to just go and kick in people’s (well, pigs) doors. At night when I heard cars drive by the house I envisioned the big bad wolf pulling up in his limo outside the door getting ready to blow it down. I would creep out of my bed and crawl (on my hands and knees in the darkness) approximately 70 metres to my grandmothers room on the other side of the house.

22. I once lit my friend Freitas on fire sort of by accident ( I didn’t think the fire would spread the way it did all over his nylon jacket). I put him out by bashing him with a snow showel.

21. I worshiped my father so I didn’t think it was a bad idea to take his advice about using one of his old briefcases as a schoolbag in grade 7. Turns out it was a bad idea.

20.When I was 21, I smoked hashish at dusk on one of the great pyramids at Giza (Khafre). The complex was empty as all the tourists had gone home. I bribed a guard to do it…he also sold me the hashish.

19. I have slipped on a banana peel.

18. I have been escorted out of the Vatican by a Swiss Guard for lying on my back taking pictures of the ceiling. I returned the next day and stole a 3-D hologram of a blinking Jesus out of the Vatican store.

17. I like a beautiful woman but I like her a lot more if she can make me laugh. I don’t meet many of those, so I usually settle for just the beautiful part…shallow I know; but if a funny AND beautiful woman ever comes along..woo-hoo!

16. I used to read a lot more books before the Internet and I used to write a lot more before meddling with cameras. To combat it, I’m trying to use a camera that won’t be worth much unless you read its manual and write stuff telling it what to do.

15. My father still uses a fountain pen.

14. I was not a spoiled child. When I was disobedient my hockey stick was hurled into a lake.

13. Even though I knew it would be confiscated the minute my parents saw me with a boomerang, I bought one at the Ontario Science Centre with lunch money I had hoarded for over a week. I snuck it home in my briefcase and went to nearby Brebeuf park to try it out. After 8 or 9 throws (none of which produced the desired effect of RETURNING), the thing got caught in a gust of wind and came back with amazing precision–striking me in the side of the head. My immediate response was to run…in any direction as fast as possible. I never retrieved the boomerang but the next day I accused Brian Jardin of stealing it (his house bordered the park and he was always looking out his stupid window waiting for kids to forget their stuff in the park so he could run out there and get it after they had left). He denied it so I ran over him with my BMX in the alley when he wasn’t looking.

12. I once found a pair of severed horse legs in a plastic bin at the side of a rural road in Caledon, Ontario. I thought this was amusing so I put one of them in a plastic bag and took it home. I put a scarf on it and laid it in my little sister’s bed. When she came home from school she knew I was up to something and got very suspicious when I told her to go check her room. She didn’t know what the lump in the sheets was at first but then she peeled back the sheets and saw the hoof and ran like a bat out of hell.

11. I once used an old hair dryer (connected by several extension cords to the next door neighbours flat) to keep warm in an abandoned house in the a place called Plumstead (a depressed area on the outskirts of London) in the winter of 1997. It was not a regular hair dryer either. It was one of those huge things that look like a giant helmet. Take it from me, it’s no fun sleeping with one of those.

10. In 1993 the door of my 1985 Honda Civic fell off in traffic. I replaced it with a door that was a different colour from the rest of my car and wrote the word PORSCHE on it with a felt pen.

9. When I first arrived in Canada and was told the words ‘FUCK OFF’ for the first time, I thought the best reply was ‘SHIT OFF’.

8. When I was 15 I underwent a test called a lymphangiogram. This process involved cutting 3 inch incisions in both of your feet and pumping radioactive fluid into the veins found there so you would glow in the dark under an x-ray machine. Later after the test, they sew up the incisions and keep you overnight with your feet elevated. But I had to go to the bathroom and so I got up and started waddling to down the corridor of the hospital at around 2 am. Then I felt the first foot ‘pop’ and when I looked down it was squirting up like a fountain. I kept waddling until I heard the second foot pop. I said ‘HELP’ and blacked out. Later when I woke up back in the bed, the nurse told me I should use a bedpan next time…then I think she tried to molest me…but she was cute so I didn’t mind.

7. When Hurricane Ivan came, I somehow managed to get myself locked out of my apartment (twice) right when giant trees were starting to snap and fall into the pool.

6. I once overdosed on nutmeg and passed out in a graveyard near Earls Court, London.

5. I don’t like being called a photographer. I know I can take pictures but my sister once dated a photographer and I remember thinking at the time that he must be out of his mind to be doing that sort of shit for a living.

4. I’m happiest when I’ve accomplished something that was not easy to accomplish and I stand back and look at it and think — how perfectly pointless.

3. I don’t like cops of any sort. It doesn’t matter if they are supposedly decent people or if they have arrested 900 murderers. It takes a certain mentality to be a cop and its the sort of mentality than I despise…the same people who everyone beats up in school. Like Kayne West.

2. My sisters would find their Barbies with genitals and nipples drawn on them.

1. I thought that if I ever found a small person living in my house. Like a person who was maybe 5 inches tall…and they wanted to be friends; that I would hear them out and probably make them feel comfortable enough to be able to coax them into a jar or a shoebox.Then I would try to sell it to a lab.